friends, high school and college style

so it's been almost a month since my last post, I doubt anyone still checks this, which might be good. medical school has been great so far, I enjoy the people and most of the stuff we learn, although some of it seems tedious at times. I got involved with one more thing on campus, the connective issue, which is like the student newspaper. I'm one of the editors, hopefully just doing the website stuff, cause I can't write worth a damn. it feels weird to be doing so much stuff, cause I feel like it might be too much. I've been feeling more disconnected from the class than I probably should be. It's kind of like college and high school all rolled into one.

I know a lot of people around the school, but there isn't really anyone I know very well. a few months ago I wrote about a small core group of friends, but I feel like that has somewhat disbanded, or maybe I just feel out of the loop. It might be because I've been studying with different people or because of my involvement with different things around school. It feels kind of like college because I was always so busy with stuff, that I never really got to know anyone very well in college. I knew all sorts of people on campus, all in different places, but all my good friends were still from high school. it also feels like high school again because I see the same people all the time. I feel obligated to make time for everyone, and feel bad if I can't please everyone. I'm going to have to get over this, because in the future I can't possibly please all of my patients. for example, I made some of my mom's chicken noodle soup, and beef noodle soup tonight. I wanted to invite so many more people, but I just couldn't, there wasn't enough to go around, and my apartment is not that big. I think I'll just be making another pot within the next few days and invite people who didn't get to come.

dilemma dilemma. it's like my door was slowly opening to other people at the beginning of the school year, and now it's slammed shut because I've gotten into some sort of a groove. and it feels unsatisfying for some reason. I started feeling a little awkward at med school social events this past week too. not really sure why. maybe it's this crappy ass weather that is getting to me. is this the "winter depression" that people talk about? if so, that just sucks, cause I don't really feel depressed, maybe a little bit spread thin because I haven't been able to consistently spend time with friends. and if I do, we're usually just studying. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. maybe I just need to wait another week until I'm back home in california. at least by this time next week, I'll be done with my first semester of medical school. it flew by so fast.