2nd thing

So the second thing I wanted to talk about was the neighborhood I live in. So I never believed it until last week. but guess what. there ARE transvestite hookers walking around late at night. for some reason, I never saw them before, but last week on thursday night, there they were! my god. their frames are way too manly, and they are really tall. unbelievable. I feel like I want to go up to one and see if they will take a picture with me so I can post it on my blog. But that just seems wrong. plus, they might get the wrong idea... no thanks!

today my friends here at school finally told me they were getting a little bit annoyed with me. Not annoyed with any of my mannerisms, but just with something that is just part of my personality. I think it's due to the fact that we hang out basically every single day, or at least 6 days out of the week. I haven't gotten annoyed with them, but the rate at which I've gotten comfortable around them has been accelerated, so I feel they are experiencing a "different" side of me faster than most other people do. I feel like it's easier to write about it here, because I can actually think clearly and my mind doesn't seize up when I get put on the spot.

so the actual "annoying" part is that I'm really outgoing and talkative with people I don't know, and not so talkative with people I do know. I think my friends back home know this too, but they never really had a problem with it (or if they did, they never said anything). I feel like this arose sort of like a defense mechanism back in junior high when I was coming from a different school, and it was magnified when I went to Berkeley and became a CalSO counselor. Back in junior high, I was nice to everyone because I was somewhat new (there was nobody from my elementary school except for 2 people, and we didn't really hang out). Then in college, I learned to make small talk and put a lot of energy into meeting new people. It was awesome, but I guess it might give people false impressions about me sometimes. This might just be a lot of crap but I'm trying to think about it...

I usually talk a lot when I don't know someone very well. I hate awkward silences and avoid them at all costs. When I'm with friends, silence is ok, I usually just don't have much to say. My friends at home can probably agree on that. The group I hang out with in med school is full of talkers. and I say that in the nicest way possible. They usually talk, and I usually listen, with an occasional comment here and there from me. I've already gotten into my "quiet" listen/spacey mode with my good friends at med school. maybe this has gotten worse throughout the years. I don't remember being quite so bad before. maybe I was? and talking about myself and this stuff with other people is weird, it makes me feel very self-conscious and then my mind starts seizing up and I don't know what to say, and I basically want to crawl into a hole and shut the world out.

and that's the end of my stream of consciousness, it seems to have run out now. sorry if I've offended you guys by being more energetic with people I don't know. I'll try harder to talk more, but sometimes I just don't have much to say. why does this feel like so much drama to me already? I think maybe this is why I haven't had a girlfriend in a long long long long time. these things can just stay on my mind for a long time and interfere with everything I do. I think I'm also blowing this up more than it is. and now I need my sleep if I'm going to make my 8am class. good night everyone!